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Damn you, Rhys.

  I was in hell, but there was no way the fire in hell burned as harshly as the fire inside me. I swallowed hard and attempted to push down the desire to run out there and rip her to shreds. I took deep calming breaths, and gradually the flames simmered down.

  I climbed out of bed and dressed, all while listening to the girl rummaging through my stuff.

  Nosy minx.

  When I found myself face to face with her again, her hair had been brushed, and her lips weren’t so cracked anymore. Her health was returning, which was good news considering she would need all her strength to get through what was coming her way. Once I could take her to the lab—if I would even be able to.

  “What now?” she asked impatiently.

  “Now we wait,” I replied.

  “Wait for what?”

  "We wait for instructions.”

  I was so hungry.

  It was always worse in the morning.

  I ripped open my kitchen cabinet and pulled out my survival. Downing a Hematonin, I silently prayed it would help just a tiny bit.

  And then she was beside me and poking me in the arm like I was a man she could boss around and not a starving beast. Heated breaths puffed from her nostrils, and the evil eye she gave me rivaled Rhys’s when he was livid.

  “Excuse me, but I need some answers. What instructions are we waiting for exactly?”

  She was trying to dominate me.

  Trying to push me.

  Me—the control freak—domineer in all situations, and she was trying to overtake me.

  Her tiny frame pressed against my arm, sending a spiral of unwanted heat to my groin, and I felt a feral growl rumble at the back of my throat.

  She was too close, her body warm and supple against my icy hardness, and the delicious smell of her essence was pushing me overboard.

  Between my sick desires to eat her alive and how hot she was as she tried to rule me, I was going to lose my mind. I wasn’t sure what it was about her fearlessness that turned me on so much, but I was confused by my reactions to her.

  Before humans were on the brink of extinction, live girls were my favorite. And now, my hunger seemed to be intensifying everything somehow. I wanted so badly to stick my hardening prick into her sweetness and suck on the succulent banging artery in her neck at the same time. Still, she continued to poke me, and all it did was send me over the edge.

  “I said… I. Want. Answers!” she shrieked in my face.

  “Back off,” I said, pressing her away from me.

  The human side of me roared with the disrespect of putting my hands on a woman, which was comical since I had killed my fair share over the years. Still, even in the moments of taking their lives, I had been gentle and respectful.

  She was making me crazy.

  Pressing my buttons.

  Making my body burn with hunger and desire at the same time and sending me over the mentally unstable edge.

  I had to get her away from me.

  “No. Not until you explain what’s going on.”

  Again, she pushed against me, her chin high with power.

  “I said back off!” I bellowed, shoving her away from me.

  My touch was meant to be light, but I didn’t know my own strength with humans anymore, and she slammed against the refrigerator behind her.

  The door flew open, revealing cold, empty shelves.

  The look in her eyes made me sick to my stomach. Sure, I had sucked on my share of women, and sure, I had murdered a lot, but I had never been an abusive man. I had always made it quick for them. I had never put my hands on a woman or made them suffer. I could practically hear my daddy rolling over in his grave.

  Flashbacks of my father when I was a young boy knocked me to my knees.

  “Even if a man has nothing, he always has his respect. Rule number one, never disrespect a woman. A woman brought you into this world, and if you don’t be a gentleman, one will take you out.”

  I moved quickly, catching her before she fell against the hard tile of my kitchen. I was careful to use a soft touch.

  “Forgive me.” My voice cracked. “I shouldn’t have put my hands on you that way.”

  She looked back at me like I had lost my mind, and in a way, I had. I was losing it big time, and it had been less than twenty-four hours. I wasn’t sure how much more of being around this girl I could take.

  She ripped her arm from my cold grip and rubbed the spot where my hand was as if I had hurt her again. I swallowed hard and tried to explain again.

  “Sometimes I forget my strength,” I simply stated.

  Her face softened, and her heartbeat slowed.

  “It’s okay. I can’t imagine being around me is easy. I suppose it’s the equivalent of someone shoving a piece of steak in my face.” She adjusted her clothing. “I still don’t understand why you haven’t killed me. I’m so confused by all of this. I’ve never met a vampire like you, and torture and death follow all the ones I have met. Still, I shouldn’t have poked you like that. So I’m sorry, too,” she said with a shrug.

  Her expression looked as though she had just sucked on a lemon, and I imagined apologizing to a killer like me was a hard hit. I didn’t even want to imagine what life had been like for her. They were my people, but even I could admit vampires were disgusting creatures.

  And then reality set in.

  There I was, sitting on the cold tile of the kitchen floor with a living girl, and I was having an understanding conversation. I was still starving, but somehow, the hunger had eased away a bit.

  “Can you at least tell me what’s going on?” she asked sweetly.

  I wasn’t stupid. I knew the minute I told her what was going on, she would explode in anger. I didn’t know Harley well, but I knew humans. They were dramatic, and they tended to overreact—the female ones in particular.

  We’d just made a tiny form of peace, and I wanted to keep that peace as long as I could. The last thing I needed was her getting upset and trying to take me on again. With all the different emotions and desires swimming through my body, I no longer trusted myself.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  I lifted myself from the floor and reached out to help her up. She stared up at my hand before placing hers in mine. Warmth shot up my arm and sent chills through my entire body.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked.

  I cleared my throat and tried to shake away all the strange feelings I hadn’t felt in many years.

  With puckered, confused brows, she nodded her head yes. “Starving. Are you hungry?” she asked.

  She was being sarcastic. I could tell by the tight lips and the tilt of her head. She was pushing too many buttons, and it was time I took back control of the situation. Maybe a little fear was exactly what she needed.

  I wanted her to understand she should still be walking on eggshells around me. I was calm now, but I couldn’t always control the monster seated deep inside of me.

  I pulled her closer. Leaning in, I ran my lips down her neck as her scent filled me. With a flick of my tongue, I tasted the fine sheen of sweat that had developed at her hairline.

  “Starving,” I whispered against her skin.

  Two could play that game, and I was always the winner in any game I played.

  When she pulled away, I let her. She looked up at me, and a strange expression passed over her features. I wanted to know what it meant. Something about Harley made me question so many things.

  She shook as a chill ran through her, and then she turned and walked away. I chuckled from behind her as I followed her to my collection room. At least one of us would eat.

  She picked peaches again. I was sure she was trying to drive me mad. I sat at the table across from her as she licked the peach juice from her fingers. I could feel my cock getting hard, and the burn in my throat intensified at the same time. I didn’t know which need I wanted to fill first.

  She lifted the can of peaches to her lips and drank the remaining juice. A dribble of peac
h juice escaped the side of her mouth and dripped over her chin and down her neck.

  I was in hell.

  I was being punished for every sin I had committed over my long life.

  My groin tightened as she scooped the drip of sweetened peach juice up with her finger before sticking it into her mouth and sucking on it. By the time she finished, I was on fire all over. I was burning in hell.

  “You’re good at this,” I said before I realized it.

  It wasn’t like me to blurt things out. I was usually more put together and untouchable. I didn’t like that she had me on edge.

  She set her can down and innocently looked at me, her long dark lashing fluttered as she blinked.

  “Good at what?”

  She had to know what she was doing. I refused to believe she could be so seductive without realizing it.

  Then again, maybe it was me.

  Maybe I saw things that weren’t there.

  Maybe I was blinded by hunger.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly.

  “Okay, I’m bored. If you insist on keeping me here like a caged animal, the least you could do is tell me something about yourself,” she said as she rolled the empty peach can between her hands.

  I didn’t like talking about myself. It made me uncomfortable, but for some crazy reason, I wanted her to understand me. I wanted her to know that even though I was a vampire, I wasn’t always a monster.

  “What would you like to know?”

  “Do you live here alone?”

  “Yes,” I answered simply.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  I chuckled to myself before getting up and making myself a drink. I downed the absinthe and welcomed the burn in my throat.

  “No girlfriend,” I rasped.

  “Boyfriend?” she asked with a cocked brow and a smile.

  I shook my head and filled my glass once more.

  “No boyfriend,” I said through the burn of the alcohol.

  “What do you do when you’re not holed up in this place with black shields covering the windows?” She motioned to the room around us.

  Her question reminded me of how badly I missed the sun. There were times when I thought about stepping out into the dawn just to get a brief glimpse of the sunrise before the flames overtook me.

  I remembered the last time I saw the sun. I was outside working with my father. If only I had stopped to take in the moment. If only I had taken the time to close my eyes and let the sunlight caress my face.

  “I have a job,” I said quickly as I tried to ignore the sadness beginning to settle in my chest.

  “What do you do?”

  I ignored her question and turned the attention to her.

  “What about you? Tell me something about you.” I filled my glass again and took my seat.

  “There’s nothing to tell. My entire family’s dead. I’ve never had a friend… boy or girl. I’m alone. I travel in search of food and fresh water. I sleep when I can and try not to get killed.” She shrugged like it was no big deal.

  It sounded like hell, and it was a big deal to me. It was no way to live, and I suddenly felt terrible knowing people like me were the reason she had never known a real life.

  It wasn’t fair that monsters like me were allowed the luxury of having a life. Even the wild vampires had once been human and lived their lives. Harley was a nice girl. She was beautiful. She deserved a life—a family.

  She deserved love.

  “You really have no idea what it’s like to live your life, do you?” I asked.

  “What do you mean? I’m alive, so I live.”

  She stood and went to the kitchen sink like she had lived in my place all her life. Cupping her hands under the faucet, she took a few sips of water. She was bent over the sink with her ass up as if waiting for me to push into her from behind.

  With my eyes glued to how sexy my shorts looked hugging her ass cheeks, I downed my second glass of alcohol. I would never get drunk, but sometimes, I was positive the drinks relaxed me.

  Setting my empty glass on the table, I let the burn of the alcohol move through my guts.

  “No. I mean really lived. You’ve never known the joy of just living. You’ve never experienced happy tears or heartbreaks.” I closed my eyes and thought of Sarah, my first love. “The anticipation of a first kiss, and the feeling of being so in love with someone else it hurts. Everyone should know those feelings.”

  She used the back of her arm to wipe the leftover water from her mouth, and then she frowned. She looked down with concentration in her eyes. The moment she realized I was right, it reflected on her face, and I felt bad for bringing it up.

  “Show me,” she whispered.

  I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly. “What?”

  “Show me,” she said a little louder.

  I was confused.

  “Show you what?”

  “I’ll never know happy tears. Honestly, I’ve never heard of happy tears, but I’m not sure there’s anything in the world that will make me so happy I’d cry.” She swallowed hard. “And the chances of me ever falling in love are slim to none, but…” she hesitated. “You could give me my first kiss.” She looked over at me with an awkward smile.

  Her nerves showed in her tight lips and her black eyes.

  First kiss?

  A pretty girl like her should have been kissed ten times over by her twentieth year.

  Again, it wasn’t fair.

  Putting my mouth on her in any way wasn’t a good idea. I had been walking the line earlier just by put my finger on her. Even the tiniest kiss could end in catastrophe.

  “You’ve never been kissed?” I asked as I tried to buy myself some time.

  She chuckled uncomfortably. It was musical hearing laughter like hers. It was a sound that brought back more memories.

  “It’s not like men are out there lining up to kiss me, James. The only men I’ve met wanted to kill me and suck me dry. I know my death is inevitable. I think maybe a kiss would be nice before I die.”

  I liked the way she said my name—as if I were a man and not a beast—as if she could reach out and lay her hand against my arm as she laughed at a joke I had just told her.

  She said my name like vampirism never existed, and I was just me… James Camden.

  “I’m a man.” My voice cracked.

  Squeaked—like I was a virginal boy asking to take tea with a girl I fancied, not over a hundred years old with more sexual experience than most.

  “I’m aware of that,” she said.

  Her cheeks started to burn with a pink blush, and I couldn’t help but feel a smile deep inside. The pink complemented her cheeks beautifully. Her brown eyes glistened with unreleased joy, and I sensed she was experiencing fun and comfort for the first time.

  It was the strangest thing. I wanted to feed on her, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted the joy in her eyes to remain. She was like one of the treasured memories in my collection room. She was a piece of memory—happy memories I wanted to store.

  I knew in the back of my mind that every time I found something that triggered those happy memories, and I collected it, I was different. Most vampires couldn’t give a shit less about the times gone past. They had allowed those feelings and memories to burn away with the hunger in their guts.

  Not me.

  I wanted to bathe in the times gone past, and as badly as I tried to forget him, the human boy in me refused to die.

  “And I don’t want to kill you and suck you dry. I mean, I do, but I don’t.”

  Again, she looked at me in confusion.

  “You don’t?” she asked.

  “No.”

  And as badly as my body begged me to, I didn’t.

  It was then I realized it was the truth.

  I was hungry, but parts of me were still very much human. It was a disease I could never seem to get rid of. Rhys had been right to put me in charge of the search. Apparently, I could handle being around a person with
a heartbeat without feeding on and killing them.

  “Then what do you want to do to me?” she asked softly.

  The side of her mouth lifted, and the light in her eyes flashed with a flick of her lashes.

  Was she flirting with me?

  Did she understand what flirting was?

  The scent of her hair filled me when she reached up and shyly pushed a dark strand behind her ear. And then the dam broke, and the truth flowed from my lips. My words weren’t gentlemanly, but I couldn’t help that. My human nature still lived in me somewhere, but I was still a monster.

  “I want to do things to you that you’re clueless about—things that would scare you senseless and make your body beg for more, but for right now, I think I could settle for kissing you.”

  I moved slowly, careful not to scare her. My body’s reflexes wanted to move quickly and strained against the slowness.

  She swallowed hard, her throat moving up and down. I ran a finger down her cheek, and her heat made my entire hand tingle. She closed her eyes as if she had never felt a touch before, and I relished in her new experience. Losing my fingers in her hair, I breathed in her freshly soaped scent.

  I brushed my lips against hers, and she exhaled. The tangy smell of peaches swarmed around me, and if I closed my eyes, I could almost remember their flavor.

  Her tiny hand moved to my arm, and the warmth of her fingers singed me, sending shocks of feeling through my elbow and shoulder.

  Then I looked down at her—the pink in her cheeks, the softness of her pouty lips—and I knew I couldn’t take this special moment away from her.

  My kind had taken many things from Harley. I wouldn’t be the monster who stole her first kiss simply because I had no self-control.

  Just as I was about to kiss her, I pulled away and pressed my forehead to hers.

  “Your first kiss should be special with a special person. I’m not that person, Harley. I’m a monster who would rather feed on you than fulfill your desires.”

  I used my speed and got away from her, leaving her before she could even open her eyes.

  8

  Harley

  What was I doing?

  Had I really just begged a vampire to kiss me?

  A monster.

  One of the creatures responsible for taking every person I had ever loved away from me.