Perfecting Patience Read online

  Perfecting Patience

  Tabatha Vargo

  To Matthew,

  the light in all my dark places.

  Prologue

  The wind blew her long platinum hair to the side, covering her beautiful face as she turned toward me. She was leaving and it was killing me. She held up her hand with a frown. Sad, icy eyes stared back at me. My perfect snowflake. She was mine for such a brief moment in my life, and now she was leaving and moving on. Expanding her mind and becoming a part of society.

  She didn’t need me anymore. She didn’t need me to make it better, to hold her close when she was afraid. It sucked. I needed her to need me. I wanted her to need me until the end of time, but things would never be the same, and as badly as it hurt, I knew it was for the best. So I told her good-bye, watched as she disappeared behind a set of black doors, and I walked away. My heart was broken, I was full of fear, yet I couldn’t help but smile with pride at how easily she moved on.

  One

  Patience

  The local DJ interviewing Blow Hole looked a little like Santa Claus. Except, instead of a red suit, he wore black leather, and instead of a jolly hat, a blue bandana covered his gray curls.

  “So, Zeke, we get a lot of questions in about some of your tattoos. I was wondering if you could tell us what the three snowflakes on your forearm represent.”

  Zeke’s lip ring pulled when his smile widened. It was strange to see him smile so openly in front of people. He looked over at me and winked as he lifted his arm onto the counter in front of him to show the DJ his tats.

  “The big one here is for my girl. When we first started dating, she reminded me of a snowflake princess, so I started calling her snowflake. I still call her that now. The two smaller ones are for our two daughters. They’re just as blond and beautiful as she is.”

  “Snowflake, huh?” the DJ asked. “It’s a wonder she doesn’t melt in this California heat.” He laughed.

  Zeke’s eyes met mine from across the room and the love that lived there sparkled. The side of his mouth tilted in the secret smile he reserved just for me.

  “Well, we went through the depths of hell to be together. If she hasn’t melted yet, I don’t think she ever will.”

  The DJ laughed hard. “Wanna bet?” he said as his eyes lit up with a red hue.

  The room filled with fire. The boys in the band split into opposite directions, trying to escape. I was across the room from the exit, frozen in fear as the fire reached out with jagged hands and licked at the floor by my feet.

  Instead of escaping, Zeke bolted across the room to me. Everything began to move in slow motion as I yelled for him to go to safety. He didn’t listen and before he could make it, the fire consumed him. His screams echoed throughout the room and pierced my ears.

  My legs suddenly felt weak, and when I looked down, all I could see was my jeans dripping from my body. My skin followed as it turned into a soupy mess on the floor.

  I was melting.

  * * *

  I sat up abruptly, checking my arms and legs to make sure they were still there. I did it every time I woke from my melting nightmare, and even though I knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t real, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my legs were going to be gone when I woke.

  The unfamiliar room surrounding me was dimly lit. Walls of soft sage closed me in and the smell of men’s cologne swarmed all around me. While the room was strange to me, the cologne was one I knew well. As if it were relaxing incense, I breathed in the light musk and sighed. I was obviously entering into another dream and I was perfectly fine with that.

  Allowing my body to relax into the plush mattress, I took an even deeper pull of the masculine scent. I used to hate the smell of a man. Considering what my life had entailed, it made sense, but this certain cologne would always be a reminder of the peace I’d found in the final months before I moved to Florida. It would be a reminder of him.

  I jerked when a heavy hand landed across my stomach and pulled me to the side. I followed the arm until my eyes landed on the tiny snowflake tattooed on the inner forearm. Taking a deep, calming breath, I laid my head back against the plush pillow and smiled to myself.

  That’s when I noticed my physical state. My body hummed with the leftover effects of the night before. My inner thighs were sore, but in a good way, and my stomach muscles clenched as if I’d spent the night doing sit-ups. There was a light flutter all around me that sent tiny shocks of happiness to my deepest places. It felt amazing. I felt amazing.

  My best friend Megan once told me there was a major difference in having sex and making love. I never gave it much thought since I never planned on having the chance to do either. I thought for sure I’d never be able to touch a guy, much less allow one to touch me.

  Yet there I was, lying next to my tatted guitar god and allowing his arm to rest across my stomach. I can say without doubt that Megan had never been more right. There was sex, and there was making love. Zeke had showed me that the night before. Actually, he spent the entire night showing me that. There were no words to describe our first night together after months of being apart.

  I lay in bed and watched as the ceiling fan above me went around and around. The dark curtain covering the window blew to the side, allowing a slither of sunlight into the room. The sounds of the fountain just outside the room became in tune with Zeke’s sleeping breaths. Fear of waking him kept me from moving and looking out at the gorgeous view.

  After months of being miserable and thinking I’d never see his face again, I was in his arms. After a night of some of the best sex I’d had in my entire life, I slept for a couple of hours, but sleep was the last thing I wanted. Sleep took away my time with him. I wanted to be awake. I wanted to see his face. Dreaming about him was no longer good enough, not when I could be in his arms. Not when I could consume myself with his warmth. No, dreams had nothing on my reality when Zeke was around.

  Not to mention the awful nightmares that seemed to come after a really good Zeke dream. I was perfectly fine with never having one of those again. There’s nothing like waking up drenched in sweat and feeling like you’re about to die from sadness, or better yet, from melting away into nothing.

  But none of that mattered now. My salvation was here and I was willing to bet that now that he was back in my life, the nightmares were on their way out.

  Turning in his arms to face him, I took in his softly sleeping face. His mouth was slightly open and his long dark lashes relaxed against his high cheekbones. Running a finger down the side of his face earned me a deep, husky moan. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever heard. His facial hair felt like warm velvet against my cheek as I leaned in and pressed a tiny kiss on the corner of his mouth.

  I backed away, expecting to continue to watch him sleep, but he followed me up with his eyes still closed and started to kiss me. Again he moaned when I allowed him access and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. Flipping me onto my back, his naked body covered mine. The white sheet tangled around our bodies as he pressed himself against me.

  His hand worked its way up my side, brushing against my breast, and I released a tiny sound into his mouth. His hand continued its journey until he rested it against the side of my neck. Tattooed fingers dug into the hairs on the nape of my neck as he invaded my mouth with Zeke sweetness.

  Pulling away, he gazed down at me with sleepy eyes and a lazy grin.

  “You woke us up.” His voice was rough with sleep.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, “Us?”

  Looking down between our bodies, he glanced back up at me with a smile as he pressed his hips into mine. Hard heat pushed into my thigh and I lifted my hips for more. He smiled down at me and shifted his hair out of his eyes.<
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  “Yes… us. I’m okay in the morning, but the prick downstairs will take a jab at you if you wake him.”

  “Tell him I said bring it.”

  He laughed and shook his head at me. It was nice to hear such genuine happiness coming from him. It matched the way I felt exactly. It was as if we were blocked away from the rest of the world. We were on our own tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Nothing else mattered.

  He leaned down and sucked on my earlobe. His hot breath tickled the side of my neck and gave me a shiver. Warm lips caressed me as he nipped at my chin and flicked at my top lip with his tongue.

  Rubbing his lips softly against mine, he whispered, “Last night was amazing.”

  “Yes, it was.” I kissed him softly and ran my fingernails lightly down his back.

  Looking down at me, he bit at his lip ring before he began kissing me again. His nipple rings brushed across my breasts and a tiny noise slipped from me, making him groan against my mouth.

  Taking a breath, he smiled down at me. His hair was blocking his dark eyes, so I used a finger to push them to the side.

  “I love you so much,” I said without restraint.

  It felt good to be able to express my feelings so easily. It was amazing to be able to say it to him after months of wishing I could hear his voice, after months of feeling no other emotion but sadness.

  The dimple on his cheek deepened as his smile widened. “I love you more, snowflake.”

  His use of my special nickname made me tingle all over. He kissed me deeply once more as he slid into me. There was nothing better than being physically connected with Zeke. It was more than just sex. It was more than feeling whole. It was a connection, one that deepened once he was inside me, a part of me.

  His body moved against mine. Stomach to stomach, sliding back and forth until the friction was so pleasurable I couldn’t control the sounds I made. He whispered his approval and rested his forehead against mine. The heat of our two bodies filled the room as a thin layer of sweat developed in the places where our skin touched.

  I dug my fingernails into his flesh and my heels into the bed. His rhythm picked up and his breathing matched his movements as he rocked his body against mine. Just out of reach was the cure for my ache. I urged him to move me closer as the tingling heat moved into my thighs and lower stomach.

  “That’s it, baby. You’re almost there.”

  The tension snapped and relief ran down my spine, down into my core, and everything was released. I cried out his name and in turn he moved faster and harder. Soon after, he threw his head back and growled his release.

  His body collapsed on top of mine. Hot breath rushed onto my neck before he placed his warm lips against my tingling flesh.

  “Forever,” he whispered in my ear.

  I was exhausted. My mouth spread into a satisfied sleepy smile. It wasn’t much longer until I fell asleep in his arms. There were no nightmares and dreams weren’t needed anymore since anything I’d ever want to dream about was pressed tightly against me. Things couldn’t have been more perfect.

  * * *

  Time slipped by without care, and then hard beating on the hotel room door awoke me. Half asleep, I kept my eyes closed as the bed shifted and cold air replaced Zeke. The sounds of him walking to the door filled the room and he cursed when he stepped on something.

  The door creaked open and Chet’s voice slipped in.

  “Dude, I need to wash my ass and all my shit’s here. Cover your junk ‘cause I’m coming in.”

  I sat up in bed quickly and pulled the sheet up to my chin.

  “Hold the fuck on, man! My girl’s naked in here,” Zeke yelled as Chet forced himself into the room.

  I saw the instant relief in his eyes when he turned and saw me covered completely. He smiled over at me and I smiled back.

  Chet didn’t miss our silent communication and he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  “I sure as hell hope last night was nice because my night sucked massive cock and balls,” he said as he flipped open his suitcase and started digging through his clothes.

  I suddenly felt bad about taking over his room the night before.

  “I’m sorry, Chet,” I said as I sent him an apologetic smile.

  He laughed and threw a pair of balled-up socks at me. “No worries. I get the whole hot reunion sex thing. Still, it was hell last night.”

  “Ah, come on now. It couldn’t have been that bad,” Zeke said as he crossed his arms and leaned his shoulder against the wall.

  He looked so sexy in his drawstring sweats that were barely hanging on his tattooed hips. Sweatpants had never looked so hot.

  “Fuck you, bro. Finn sleeps naked and Tiny snores like a damn grizzly bear. I felt like I was watching the fucking Natural Geographic channel or some shit. All I’m saying is I hope last night was fun. I had to sleep my sexy ass on the hard hotel room floor. There’s no telling what kind of nasty body fluids are mixed up in that carpet, man. I probably slept with two or three females last night and there weren’t even any in the room.”

  Zeke and I laughed at that.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead and get your laughs in, but I suggest y’all find somewhere else to smash ass because I’m sleeping in my bed tonight.”

  Chet grabbed the rest of his stuff and headed out of the room. I called out that I was sorry once more, and he winked over at me before Zeke shut the door in his face.

  “So what you want to do today?” Zeke asked as he slid back in bed with me.

  I rested my head on his arm and he kissed my forehead.

  “Today?” I asked as I pointed at the afternoon sky.

  The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the moon was high and all the sunny spots in Florida would be covered in black.

  “Okay, so what do you want to do tonight? I say we get a shower and stay in bed.” He brushed a finger down the side of my stomach.

  “I need some fresh clothes.”

  “Nah, you’re perfect just the way you are. I like you naked.” He leaned over and ran his nose up the side of my face.

  “That’s all well and good, but we need to eat, and I’m positive if I leave this room naked I’ll get arrested.”

  He nuzzled the side of my neck and breathed me in. “Handcuffs. Sounds like good times.”

  Shoving at him playfully, I slid out of the bed and put on my clothes from the day before. The smell of stale beer and smoke from Rockfest still lingered on my tank top and shorts.

  I picked up a pair of jeans from the floor and threw them at him. “You… shower,” I said as I pointed to the bathroom. “Then we go to Aunt Sarah’s where I get clothes and shower, and then we eat.” I rubbed at my growling stomach.

  “Yes, ma’am!” He saluted me. “You know, I kind of like it when you boss me around. It’s sexy.”

  He smacked my ass on his way into the bathroom. Soon after, I heard the shower water followed by whistling. I couldn’t imagine the guy I met months ago whistling, but we were both different now. We were better.

  I leaned over the balcony of the hotel room and took in the sight in front of me. The evening sky was filling with a faint moon and a sprinkle of stars. The hustle and bustle of the Orlando nightlife hadn’t started yet, so there was a brief moment of peace. I breathed it in deeply, feeling like a different girl and loving it.

  I went back inside when I heard the bathroom door open. The scent of shampoo and toothpaste filled the room. Steam spilled from the small space and followed him as he stepped out. Grabbing his wallet from the bedside table, he swiped at his wet hair and pushed it from his face. He slid a studded belt around his waist and grinned over at me as he buckled it.

  “Ready to go, gorgeous?” he asked as he slung his long hair out of his face once more.

  I’d never thought it was possible, but Zeke was even sexier now than he was when I last saw him.

  “Yep, all ready to go.”

  We held hands as we walk
ed down the long hallway and got on the elevator. Once we were outside, I walked to my car and he followed. He didn’t say anything when I very clearly said I was driving. It’s not like he had a choice. The only transportation the boys had was their bus and a limo, courtesy of their label, to carry them around town. No way was I riding around in a freaking limo.

  His eyes were on me, even though I couldn’t see them in the darkening car, as I backed out of the parking space. Once I put my car in drive and took off, he slipped his fingers between mine and brought my hand up to kiss it. Life was sweet again, but the sadistic side of me whispered if something seemed too good to be true, then it probably was.

  Two

  Zeke

  I felt alive again. Being with Patience was like taking tiny hits of soul and life and exhaling all the bad memories of the months before. It was fucking amazing. She was amazing, and the way she made me feel was nothing short of a miracle.

  When I woke up with her lips on mine, I thought for sure I’d died and gone to heaven—at the very least, a really awesome hell. And if I was in hell and this was all just a cruel mirage from the devil himself, then so be it. The devil was cool with me if that was the case.

  Once she fell asleep in my arms, I watched the shadow of the fan above us dance across her peaceful face. She was more beautiful now than she was all those months ago when I watched her walk away from me. I thought I’d never come back from that. I’d never been so broken, but I was healed. She put me back together kiss by kiss.

  The short trip to her aunt’s house was quiet. There was no need to talk. Nothing needed to be said between us. The past was exactly where it needed to be, in the past. Even though there were questions I wanted to ask.

  “It’s about time you came home, girl,” her aunt said.

  She was huddled over some plants on the front porch, her straw cowboy hat covering a set of braids. She padded over to the car with bare feet. Swiping her dirt-covered hands on her short jean shorts, she held out her hand for me to shake it.